Lions, Enigmas, and Trail Mix

Another year closes. Which brings me to the future.

Let's not talk about the past. The past is predictable and already handled. Now the future is another animal. And that's exactly how I like to think of it. I picture the future kinda like a lion and I'm standing with a whip and four legged chair in the center ring of a circus while everyone watches to see what I'm going to do with the beast before me.

Which brings me to ways I've been told to attack the future.

The first was simple: Figure out what you're good at and find a way to make money doing it. Unfortunately, I've discovered a great lack of prestige in any central ability in my life. I'm mostly "ok" at everything I attempt, which leads me to believe that I excel in being mediocre.

Which brings me to the second theory.

My dad told me to find out what you love to do, and figure out how to get paid doing it. This way, there's no pressure to be good at anything I guess. The difficulty is when one grows apathetic. Not that I consider myself completely apathetic, but "what I love" is difficult even for me to pinpoint easily, so how am I supposed to find a way to milk an enigma for what it's worth and make a living?

Which brings me to a revelation I have recently had at the tail end of this decade.

The best things in my life were dropped in my lap.

So here I am fretting about my future and how to get to some mysterious place where I'm considered "well off" by the general public. But the best things in my life were never earned in any great scheme. The ones I love were never manipulated into my life. They were just there. So as I try to figure out what I'm going to "do with my life," what can I honestly strive for if the best things in life aren't earned?

Which brings me to a sloppy and odd conclusion.

Have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan? There's a scene in which Private Ryan kneels down next to his wounded savior, Capt. John Miller, on a bridge as he begins to die. And as he looks into Ryan's eyes, his last words are "earn this." Ryan's freedom is there, and he cannot lose it. But he is told that he must earn this.

And that's how I feel about it all I guess. If the best things in my life never show up through my own doing, why do I strive to live well and be proficient? Because when you look at my life, I want people to think that I deserve this I suppose. I can't earn this. But I should rightfully strive towards a point in which I'm worthy of blessings I can't gain by my own merit.

It's food for thought. It's more mixed up than trail mix, but it's food still. Trail mix for thought.