Let's Beef Up the Winter Olympics

Did you see the NFC championship game? It was great! Back and forth leads, full on contact, overtime! It was such an entertaining matchup! Doesn’t it get you all excited for the Winter Olympics?!

Yeah, me neither.

The Winter Olympics are an excuse for people who play obscure sports to compete on TV. We know that the Greeks didn’t figure skate. And they didn’t have rifles to cross country ski from target to target. It really doesn’t make much sense, and it doesn’t have quite the entertainment value of the real Olympics. Let’s face it, Apolo Anton Ohno isn’t going to get a picture taken of him hitting a bong and then proceed to have all of his posters taken down in the YMCA’s where kid’s who are idolizing him practice.

So how do we fix the Winter Olympics? Make it like football: full contact. Every sport. Speed skating could be like roller derby with blades. You can attempt to block long jump skiers before they hit the ramp. Don’t curl with stones on ice, let’s make it a bomb! Let’s put two bobsleds on the same track and let them fight each other as they descend like a scene out of Mad Max.

Would I tune in then? Yes. I would watch it if it had such a gladiator aspect. And honestly, I think this is what it takes to make people tune in this winter: life and death scenarios. Otherwise, it just looks like the UN got a snow day and sent some really athletic people to go sledding. Luge, bobsled, skeleton, ski, snowboard, etc… we get the idea, you’re going down a snow-covered hill really fast. I’d rather watch the chubby fifth grader go down the hill and right into a hay bail or tree on his snow day than watch a world class athlete go down as quick as possible for a medal.